I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Two words: nipple clamps
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