I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
