He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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