i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
