At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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