mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
