I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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