I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this just has baby written all over it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They took my balls.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
