MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
