She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
