she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
