id be glad to
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
