I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
