i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
