I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
