I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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