you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
