Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
