So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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