the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
