if you like me you must not know who I am
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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