So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
