I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
