I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can I color on your dick again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
