escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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