I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
