I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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