Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
