she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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