i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
