Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When did angry sex become our thing?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize