I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
