I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
