Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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