I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
