Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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