Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
