Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
