why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
