Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
