Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
