You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
