we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so that wasnt chicken after all
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At least life still wants to fuck me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
