my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you had me at cake vodka
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
