I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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