Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
