Your face is a jimmy john
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
