I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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