Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
