To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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