Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
