remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
