There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
