Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
