mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
