seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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